Two and a half Men and Funniest Videos are the only TV shows I pay any attention to. Otherwise I tune in a baseball/football/college basketball game or Fox News and mostly ignore them while I go about my business.

But that’s enough exposure to lead to the conclusion that society made a major blunder when we let lawyers and drug companies advertise on TV.

Not only are their commercials much more expensive and much less targeted than direct mail, they’re a public menace, a threat to the mental health of 50% to 99% of the population. We don’t want to hear this crap!

Anti-depressant drug commercials depress the cheeriest of souls. Middle aged guys who have to pee every half hour point to a dismal future for younger guys. All commercials for drugs make you want to set your hair on fire when the voiceovers get to the interminable side effects.

I have it on good authority that oily discharge and erections that last 24 hours are less annoying than listening to announcers yak about them twenty times a day. The on and on and on droning of lawyerese CYA copy will almost certainly drive some of our more fragile citizens to run amok with machetes in the public square.

No wonder liquor companies are running TV spots nowadays. After a string of ambulance chaser commercials scouring cable networks for America’s last mesothelioma patient, world’s most boring gorgeous lady doctor worrying about dry eyes, middle aged dudes sitting around pickin’ and grinnin’ about Viagra to the tune of Viva Las Vegas,
credit card debt counselors (hah! some counseling), hair growth and snake oil salesmen, and, coming soon, politicians lying to our faces yet again, we need to be reminded that maybe a strong drink is a good idea.

“Bartender, leave the bottle, hang onto my machete, and turn off that damned TV.”