A full page ad for Vaseline’s intensive rescue clinical therapy skin protectant body lotion (hell of a name and all in lower case) shows a small round photo of a smiling woman. Dozens of thin lines emanate from the edge of her photo to dozens of smaller photos of her body parts, then to other people’s faces and on to their body parts. It’s kind of creepy. The headline above her little photo reads “It took one woman to prescribe Vaseline to an entire town.”

The target audience must be entirely female and entirely innocent.

Note to Vaseline: there’s no such word as protectant. Another note to Vaseline: people can get their hands on your product without a prescription. It’s just a skin moisturizer. And if a prescription was required, your lady couldn’t write it, legally I mean. You know that but you also know that “prescribe” is a powerful word. Is this dishonest, a sham? Of course.