I hate like hell to pick on an honored institution but I think National Geographic is stalking me. They’ve sent at least twelve different full size direct mail packages in the last few weeks. I wrote about it a few days ago when they sent me three at once.

All the packages are roughly the same: 6” x 9” window OE with similar innards, give or take a buckslip or a differently folded brochure. The products are books but every mailing is selling a different book – all in roughly the same way.

One of yesterday’s arrivals was selling the Illustrated Green Guide and the other the Concise History of the World.

The green guide mailing came in an ostentatiously recycled envelope, same die as the other OEs but the paper is rough, greeny-grey with specks of what looks like dirt. At the risk of incurring the wrath of ELFies, the whole thing is pretty one-sided because it’s based on the premise that the extreme of the green movement actually make sense. For instance, the 4-color brochure has the headline “As the power of green lights up the planet …” above a photo of one of those twisty light bulbs that last longer and use less electricity.

The headline itself is laughable. A more accurate one would read “As the power of green turns the planet dark …” (Our new president and both houses of Congress are going to bankrupt the coal industry that right now provides us with 49% of our electricity. They won’t allow us to build any more nuclear power plants and they won’t let us drill for our own oil and natural gas, so I’m cornering the market in whale oil futures.) The new light bulbs crack me up. I suppose you could get used to the hum and the lower candle power but don’t ever break one because they’re filled with mercury, a poison, and you have to call EPA HazMat teams to come over and clean up. I can’t wait until they’re in every house and men in space suits are regular visitors.

NG’s copy about the green guide mentions none of this stuff. It’s all rather saintly. I suppose some people will fall for it, though.

The history book mailer is a hoot. It’s touted on the face of the OE as “A must-have chronological reference for every history enthusiast!” And on the back, there are 4 history thumbnails in bullet points. What four historical points would you stress? Bet they’re not acupuncture, the folding fan, the Salem witch trials and the Nigerian civil war. Ah well, I hope the mailing works for them.

I can’t wait for the next dozen mailings.