Good evening. Thanks for tuning in.

This’ll be quick because we don’t have a lot of time. We’re deeply in debt and getting deeper and deeper every minute.

We need government revenue to pay off the debt and we need to stop spending money stupidly.

Saying we handle money like drunken sailors insults drunken sailors.

The quickest and easiest way to pay off the debt would be runaway inflation and we’re on that track now, the Mugabe/Zimbabwe track. We could in a year or two pay off, say, our Chinese creditors, in worthless dollars. We could.

But we’re Americans. We don’t operate like that and besides, I have a better idea, several better ideas.

Here’s the big one. Complete energy self-sufficiency in 10 years.

We’re going to drill our own oil and we’re going to build refineries. That might not have made sense 20 years ago but it does now because we have the technology and knowhow to do it cleanly.

There’s so much oil off the coast of Southern California that it’s leaking out of the seabed. If we drill it now, we’ll be making the ocean cleaner.

We have a lot of oil off Florida and if we don’t drill for it now, the Cubans are going to invite the Chinese to do it. Our oil! And the Chinese don’t care about fouling Florida’s beaches.

North Dakota, Alaska … we’re swimming in oil and yet we spend billions every year to buy it from other countries. That’s not just stupid, it’s criminal.

And natural gas. We have much more than enough.

Tapping our own resources and building refineries will create a million plus jobs directly and indirectly and bring in trillions in government revenue to pay off our debt.

So will 100 new nuclear power generating plants. We start tomorrow. If the French and Japanese can do it, we can. If they can reuse and reuse their rods until they’re harmless enough to store in a shed in a small town, we can, too.
All the new money that comes in will go to paying off our debt.

While we’re doing all this, private enterprises can go full steam ahead developing wind and solar energy projects on their own. If they make sense, great, if they don’t, which they don’t at the moment, it’s no skin off the taxpayers’ noses.

In the meantime, we’re going to cut all taxes, beginning tomorrow, by 25%. People will have more money to spend and the economy will leap ahead like a startled gazelle.

Business will have the money and confidence to grow, to hire more, to invest in America. That’ll mean more money for the people and more money for the government to spend – paying down our debt.

Tomorrow afternoon, we’re closing the Federal Department of Education. The Federal Government, as it demonstrates every day, has no business in education. It costs us a large fortune and has almost destroyed education.

We’re also closing the Department of Commerce. Useless and hugely expensive. And we’re cutting the Department of Agriculture by 90%. No more ag subsidies for anyone. Period. If you want to try to make gasoline out of corn, go ahead, but we’re not subsidizing it.

All those czars I appointed – 30? 40? I lost track – are fired as of this moment. Their bloated staffs, too. What was I thinking?

Congress is going to take a few whacks: no more earmarks of any kind on any bill. None. Zero. Or I won’t sign it and I’ll fight a veto override all the way to The Supreme Court.

All Senators and Congressional Representatives have too many waste-of-time people working for them. They’ll cut their staffs by 10% a year for each of the next five years. And no more Congressional junkets like those embarrassing fandangos in Copenhagen. If Senators and Representatives absolutely have to go somewhere, they can fly commercial, double up in motels and take taxis and buses.

So far in this short plan, we’ve made trillions and cut trillions in spending … a year! And we’re just getting started.
We’ll have the debt paid off by 2013 and then, because we won’t be paying billions in interest to other countries, we’ll be able to cut taxes some more.

Overall federal government revenue will increase geometrically even at lower rates – especially at lower rates – and that additional money will not go into general revenue. It will go where Congress can’t touch it, into Social Security and Medicare lockboxes, until they’re permanently solvent, then we start giving people back more of their money in tax rebates.

Then we start fixing other things that need fixing, guided by experience, common sense and what the people want.

If you want to get in the way, feel free. I’m going to set this all in motion then get government the hell out of the way – hand things off to private enterprise – and then spend every minute of the rest of my term fighting you tooth and nail.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the USA is back. Thank you and good night.

Would someone please revive Ms. Pelosi?

One of Massachusetts’s two Senate seats, the one Edward Moore Kennedy occupied faithfully for the Democrats from 1962 to his passing last year, went to the Republicans in a special election on Tuesday.

The Democrats’ candidate in the election to replace Kennedy was one Martha Coakley, the state’s Attorney General. Her opponent, Republican state Senator, Scott Brown, is now on his way to Washington, cheered by a grateful nation.

Coakley should have been a shoo-in in super leftie Massachusetts where they vote for creatures like John Kerry, still, sadly, the state’s other Senator.

But Coakley lost.

The Dems are scrambling to blame her for running a lousy campaign. True, she accused legendary Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling, a Republican, of being a Yankee fan, and she is personally blander than white bread and Velveeta. But Teddy cheated in college, ran away and left Mary Jo Kopechne to drown, was a raging alcoholic, a major league bullshitter, a bully, and a philanderer, yet Mass voters sent him to Washington every six years anyway.

Coakley should have won because she had all the major media shuckin’ and jivin’ shamelessly for her, especially The Boston Globe, local and national network TV chatterboxes, CNN, MSNBC with its tingle-legged and other vituperative far left “personalities”, and The odious New York Times.

Democrat superstars from the pimp Barney Frank to our walks-on-water President campaigned for her.

Martha Coakley lost anyway. In Massachusetts! She lost because even Massachusetts voters have had it up to here with the anti-Constitutional nonsense going on in Washington.

And two large and annoying groups lost: the progressive (read: regressive) cabal in Washington and the major media.

They have no power, no credibility. They do not understand the American people at all. They have ceded power and influence to talk radio and the Internet and their viewer/readership continues to tumble.

They are the dumbest sons of bitches in the history of American business.

Driving to work every day you see weird names on products that cost thousands of dollars. Venza, Solara, Celica, Tercel, Previa, Yaris. They’re all Toyotas.

Hyundai sells an Elantra and an Azera. Mitsubishi has a Galant, one l. Mazda has a Miata. They’re all just random collections of vowels and consonants.

Not too long ago all car names made at least some kind of sense. Rolls and Royce were real people. So were Mercedes (Daimler’s daughter) and Benz. Henry Ford was a real guy, albeit a sort of Nazi. Louis Chevrolet was a Swiss race car driver who once worked for David Buick, also a real guy – a Scot. Horace and John Dodge were real and so was Walter Chrysler. Cadillac was a Frenchman. Pontiac was an Indian Chief. American Motors was descriptive and slightly patriotic. BMW stands for Bavaria Motor Works (actually Bayerische Motoren Werke) which is fine. Jaguar is a sleek critter and the car used to be.

The sub brands’ names made sense, too, like Chevrolet’s Impala (a fast kind of antelope) and Biscayne (a Bay and a long Boulevard in Miami). Pontiac’s Bonneville was named after the racing salt flats in Utah. American Motors’ Rambler played perfectly on the fairly new idea of a family drive just for the fun of it.

A lot of foreign companies, and a few American ones, use letters and/or numbers for their sub brands, like BMW’s 528i and 633CSi or Mercedes’s 300CD-T. They probably don’t mean much (the bigger the car, the bigger the number) but they sound nifty. Occasionally, Mercedes Benz will come up with something teutonically pompous like Kompressor or Kommander.

One thing the traditional kind of car names have (and most American car names still have) in common is that they’re real words: Thunderbird, Mercury, Charger, Tempo, Lincoln, Studebaker, Dart, Neon, Topaz, Ranger, Suburban, Explorer. Even Fairlane and Galaxie were close enough.

Honda seems to have gone along with the make-sense notion for their cars’ names: Accord, Civic, Odyssey, Passport. Toyota makes a lot of different car brands and nearly all the names make no sense but every now and then they’ll come up with a Tundra or a Land Cruiser. Even Sequoia sounds kind of cool and some people even know that it’s a big tree.

Toyota is probably the most successful car company in the world and its product names are mostly gobbledygook. What does that tell us?

It’s the product. Don’t worry about the damned name, except maybe for Volkswagen’s Touareg which nobody can pronounce.

New York City’s nanny-city government spent $32,000 (that they admit to) on a flyer that includes advice for junkies on how to inject heroin safely.

For starters, you can’t inject heroin safely.
Plus, now the government of New York City, despite its intentions, is more or less telling people it’s okay to shoot heroin.
And, of course, junkies don’t read or listen to advice or remember their own names five seconds after you tell them.
How can New Yorkers can take seriously a government that bans smoking in bars one day, transfats the next and tells junkies how to shoot up the day after that?

The New York Post Article: Heroin For Dummies

Probably not. She just sounds illiterate in her commercials. For example in a spot for Peak antifreeze she says “Nobody demands more from their car than me.”
She could have said “Nobody demands more from a car than I do” but then she wouldn’t have sounded like her target audience: the young trash talking semi-idiot.

Danica Patrick Peak Commercial

Flipping through TV channels the other day I came across the WWF’s (World Wildlife Fund) 2007/8 fundraising commercial starring Noah Wyle. I hoped it was just one of the talk shows using it as a bad example but I was looking for the Giants game and had to move on.

The commercial is here: WWF’s commercial

It’s about mommy bears and baby bears dying as the arctic ice melts because of global warming. It’s very sad.

It would be infinitely sadder if it had a whiff of truth in it. There are about 5 times more polar bears now than there were fifty years ago and they’re doing fine.

Is their ice melting? Good question, but there’s no way to answer it because the people who, we thought, were keeping track of this stuff won’t release their raw data for peer review. That’s because their conclusions wither under genuinely scientific analysis. These guys only pretend to be scientists. They’re really just elitist activists focused on getting grant money from gullible governments. To do that, they must obscure evidence of earth’s natural cycles such as: polar ice melting for a while then coming back – the alarmist-baffling Medieval Warm Period – Mars’s polar ice caps melting – the effect of sun spots – or, my fave, the interesting fact that Greenland had trees and then got cold long before we had SUVs.

At the moment, here in Miami, Florida, temperature for the past few days and nights has varied from 32 to 58, about 20 degrees less than normal! The whole country is freezing. Both China and the UK are enjoying record low temperatures and record snowfalls.

It is no longer possible to be a sentient grownup and believe in global warming.

Perhaps we should have a giant commercial, live, in which Al Gore returns his Nobel prize, gives back his Oscar and offers refunds to anyone who paid to see his movie and/or bought his books. It could wind up with crowds cheering as Interpol arrests certain “scientists” for massive fraud on a global scale.

Meanwhile, the WWF could promise to spend their polar bear money on something worthwhile, like helping Africans spray DDT on the walls of their hovels, thus saving millions of children’s lives.

I see only five problems in it and a sixth in the subhead:

1) It’s illiterate. “… your teen …” refers to one person while “… them …” is plural. You can write around this sort of thing quite easily. Since the photo shows a girl you could change “them” to “her” and nobody would mind except old school purists who know that the neutral objective form of the third person singular in English is “him.” (The French have no problem with this. Is it possible that we’ve become more politically nitpicky than the French?) You could change “teen” to “teens”. You could recast the sentence with no pronouns. But I’d be tempted to change the concept of the ad to show a Mom with a son or daughter (or both) and use their names.

2) The headline is in the form of a command. It’s a bad idea to order people around.

3) It’s vague: keys to what? which card? Didn’t Amex long ago establish that “the card” is the American Express card?

4) No clear benefit to the reader.

5) The headline is unnecessary. The subhead does a much better job all by its lonesome.

6) The asterisk at the end of the subhead is annoying. People get suspicious when they see asterisks.

Otherwise it’s a great.

Pajamagram’s DR commercial says it’s the only gift guaranteed to get them to take their clothes off at Christmas. Oddly, Saint Luke neglected to mention “getting them to take their clothes off” as a Christmas goal.

In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. And all went to be registered, each to his own town. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child. And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn.
And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!”

          Keep your clothes on and have a wonderfully Merry Christmas